Teaching Our Kids About Intimacy

One thing that I've learned growing up in more of a conservative and religious culture, is that the topic of sexual intimacy is rarely discussed.  Despite having my mom teach me about puberty once the night before the maturation clinic in the fifth grade, and barely even getting "the talk" when we found out my cousin got pregnant out of wedlock, all I was taught was not to do it.  Even growing up I tried to shy away from these conversations with my parents.  I mean, who wants to talk about that as a kid with their parents?  I figured I'd just figure it all out when the time came.  As I've gotten older, I realized I hadn't had that much exposure to sex ed growing up, and realized I had lots to learn on my own.  I've heard countless of horror stories of couples on their wedding night who were uncomfortable with each other and themselves, and just didn't have the preparation and education that was necessary. After hearing so many experiences and seeing the lack of sex ed in the culture I grew up in, I made it my goal to prepare my children better than I was/am.  I think that many parents worry that teaching their children about sexual intimacy might encourage them to become sexually active when they're too young, but I'm a firm believer that being open and without judgment will help our kids be more comfortable having these conversations.

Something that I've learned is important in addition to being open to questions from kids is that "the talk" isn't just a one time event.  I've found in talking to others that it is more beneficial to treat teaching kids about intimacy as a continuing discussion rather than just having "the talk" once and calling it good.  There are going to be opportunities to teach them based on their age and understanding, too.   I believe that it is important to relate different aspects of intimacy and teaching them to their age.  For example, a five year old might be too young to learn what sex actually is, but they can learn the importance of consent, which can be taught as simply teaching them that their body is their own, and nobody should touch them without asking, even if it's just for a hug.  Then continuing to respect that.  

In addition to teaching about the logistics of sex and consent, It is so important to remember to teach with love, compassion and without judgment.  It is important to remember to teach about repentance and the Atonement, and that sex isn't something to be afraid of, but just to remember that there is an appropriate time in life for it.  I firmly believe that although talking about sex to our kids might seem scary, (and maybe it is, I'm not a mom yet) it doesn't have to be.  We can teach at all ages in life and break it down so it's less intimidating for everyone.