Validating Emotions

Something that I've learned when working with kids is that they are learning so much and have big emotions, and often don't know how to handle these emotions.  Even as adults and caretakers, I've found it's hard to handle it when these kids have big emotions as well.  Something that is so very important in helping kids understand and handle their emotions is to validate them.  How often do we tell our kids (or even think to them) just to "get over it" or "stop crying?"  This can cause them to feel like what they are feeling isn't valid or okay, and in turn hide their feelings, creating further issues emotionally for them down the road.  It isn't always the easiest to relate to problems our kids might be having, but there are definitely ways to validate their feelings.  When we do find ourselves becoming frustrated and wanting to react in a harsh way, we can remember there are alternate ways to respond, such as the following examples we learned in our class lesson of validating emotions. 

Instead of saying, "Stop crying, you'll get over it."  we could say, "I see that you are upset, but it’s hard for me to hear you when you yell at me. I will listen to you when your voice is calm."  Instead of saying, "If you don't finish your lunch we're not going to the park." we could say, "I've noticed you're not eating your lunch, are you feeling okay? If you eat a little bit so you don't get sick, we can go to the park later."  

As I've grown up, I've experienced a bit of both sides of the spectrum.  I've seen the difference when my parents take the time to listen and validate my emotions, but I've also experienced times where I felt like they didn't quite understand either.  I'm not saying that we will always understand what our kiddos are going through, but we can always validate them by reminding them that even though we may not understand, that doesn't mean what they are feeling isn't real.  It's important that we always listen without judging, and offer help in the situation while letting them have the option to choose for themselves, unless it is unsafe for them to do so.